Let's dig into the science behind influence using two books I recently read:
🙏 Give and Take by Adam Grant
The idea behind this book is that there are givers, takers, and matchers. You want to be a giver because they tend to be the most successful. But beware, if you give too much you end up right back at the bottom. Complicated, right?
💬 Use Powerless Speech
Don't come across like a know-it-all. It is very unlikeable. Instead, you want to show a bit of vulnerability. This is mainly for when you are working with someone. This has the opposite effect if you are giving a leadership speech so be careful!
Disclaimers: "This may be a bad idea, but..."
Tag Questions: "That's interesting, isn't it?" or "That's a good idea, right?"
Hedges: "Maybe" or "I think"
Liz Favorites: "Now I am no python expert here but I think we could use..." or "I have an idea but I am not entirely sure it will work..."
🏫 Ask for Advice
Research shows that people who ask for advice are rated more favorably than those who don't. So stop complimenting your advisors, managers, and mentors - ask them for specific advice instead.
Liz Favorites: "I made this tool but word on the street is you are the expert - would love you to sit down with me and test it out!"
📆 Ask People About Their Plans
If you want someone to actually do something, ask them about their plans. It's extremely simple. Have them walk you through their plans to get it done as detailed as they can. This increases the chance of them actually doing it.
Example: "When lunch hits, I will walk downstairs to the treadmill and walk for 15 minutes. Then I will grab a snack, rinse off and go back to work."
🦸♀️Influence is Your Superpower by Zoe Chance
This book is about making people feel comfortable saying no while also increasing your chances of them saying yes. Who doesn't want that?
❓ Ask for What you Want
It really is that simple. If you want something ask for it. Yes, they could say no. But, if it's important enough to you, ask.
Try: "What would it take to ___"
Example: "What would it take for me to get to the next step in my career?"
🧠 Ask People Questions About Themselves
Talking about ourselves activates the same areas of the brain as money, sex, and chocolate. That shocked me when I first read it but makes total sense. Get to asking questions!
🔍 Focus on the Other Person
Psychological reactance is when you have the faintest hint someone is trying to control you. We don't like it. Start listening to the other person and express what you see.
Try: "I can see you have some doubts..."
Try: "I might know something that will help. Would you like to hear about it?"
Try: "I know you are busy so I won't take it personally if you say no"